All My Departed Ones

Sometimes when I have flashes of my loved ones whom have departed, I get into a repentance mode.  It makes me to pray harder, for them and for myself.  I humbly ask for forgiveness on their behalf and ask that they be cleansed, purified and released to the path of pure light.

Their departure reminds me how vulnerable life is.  Their departure is telling me that I have to be in charge of my BEing.  That I have to live right by me and for me.

Why do they leave before me?  What are my lessons to be left behind?  When I think that God loves them more, for them to be in a better place, I am happy with that thought.  To be with God is the happiest thing, in my opinion.  It is where the peace of body and mind, and the joy of the soul become one.  It is the ultimate home where all earthly sufferings ceased.

Every time the flashes come, the lyrics of a song knock in my head.  'Do you know where you're going to?  Do you like the things that life is showing you?  Do you get what you're hoping for?  What are you hoping for, do you know?'

Life may not be a bed of roses.  It is, among the beds of roses, that I have to find my path in this world.  It has to start with loving myself first.  Everything comes from this.  I have to believe in myself.  I have to trust myself.  When I get to be in that state, I shall learn to live my life at the best and not just to survive.

I accept that my existence is to suffer.  I have to find the wisdom in it all.  I must not think of it in the extreme negativity.  There has to be good reason to it.  Perhaps, the lesson here is what difference I am intending to make.  What shall be the outcome of my existence will be?  What good can I leave behind?  Or, what ripple effect I will cause?  But dear God, please make my sufferings less.

I love you.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.