It Does Not Matter

When I do not know myself much, how can others say they do?  Likewise, when others do not know themselves in and out, how can I say I know them?  Does being an observer put me in a position to know another person, better and more?

Being aware is a good thing but awareness is one tricky thing.  Understanding who I truly am is not hundred percent possible.  Should it be possible, I will no longer have to struggle in pursuing my dreams.  I would have made better decisions, probably no need to work so hard, and should have led much better life.

There are many ways I can get to know me.  I could engage myself with personality and behaviour tests.  I can ask the people who think they know me best.  I can go for therapy and self awareness workshops.  Or I keep records of my thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions.  At the end, I can get close in knowing about me but to truly know is a question mark.

I am not what I seem to be.  I may be doing something when in actuality I may be doing it against my will.  Like many others, I have become rather good at hiding my true emotions.  Like many others, I am not as simple.  For a lack of a better explanation, humans are like onions with so many layers of complexity.

Nonetheless, it does not matter what others think of me.  I am the only person who has to like me because I am stuck with myself.  When I remain dependent on others for approval, my awareness is fleeting.  When I care about people's approval, I will always be their prisoner.

I love you.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.